Musings

I wonder why I throw people into such despair?
I don't do anything... I act as myself... I don't love anyone.
There is no-one I can express "love" for.
Yet, others are at my mercy shouting "love", despite my not understanding.


My feelings for Yomi cannot be called anything like "love".
Admiration, respect, obsession; yes.
I don't "love" him... He is just an object I use to fill a void.


I'm sorry. For not understanding you. For not knowing these feelings, and not returning them.
I care for you. But that's the extent to what I can claim.
I would be happy if we were together, but not as lovers.


To quote Kai, love starts out as white and two people paint it together.
But my hand isn't moving at all.

Stressed

I'm really stressed out lately.
Everything is getting to me.. Fighting with my parents, not knowing what I want, hating myself...


The more stressed I am, the more tired I am, the more panic attacks I have, the more I want to go back to my old habits, etc etc etc. It's really taking a toll on my health. 


I just keep thinking that I only have 17 more months to live here, and then I can finally move out. I feel better when I remember that.^^

Snow!

There's so much snow here! I'm really happy. It started snowing two days ago... ♥ School was cancelled today, and it will probably be the same tomorrow because we're supposed to get 20 - 30 cm! I'm really excited, winter is my favorite season but it hardly snows where I live(even though I'm in Canada). I just feel so happy when it snows! ^ o ^


I have a little bit of a pic spam to show off the wonderful season ♥

Look at how much was on my street!

There was a big pile on my head when I was waiting to go home...

And all over my poor coat!

I had such a hard time not slipping down this hill...

And my face before I braved the storm, because I think I looked a little cute that day. XD

There you have it!
Snow!
I might be a little too excited over this, but like I said, it's so rare here.^^


I hope the weather is lovely where you are ♥
Take care!

Sheep

P.L.O stands for Please Leave On!

How I spent my science class today... XD
I drew the "sheep" and my friend drew the elephant!
It was an alpaca, but the sheep is a joke!
They also have cutie marks. ♥

A Few Pictures ♥ + Rant

I'm such a procrastinator!
I just can't take the time to get my work done. I have to try harder...
Updating my blog, giving comments on Poupee, doing my schoolwork...
I'm just so lazy. XD


I'm going to force myself more. I have too many things to do to just sit around and do nothing!


My week hasn't been too interesting...
I still haven't seen my friend(she has finals for the whole month so I probably can't see her until February @_@), I haven't gone out anywhere, but on the bright side I wore two cute outfits I love! I only got photos of today's outfit, though.

Blouse: don't know, Skirt: Material Girl, Tights: don't know(gift from my friend!<3), Bracelet: Betsey Johnson, Wig: Minty Mix, Necklace: don't remember

A better shot of my hair, because I thought the style was really cute. ; u ;

The lighting in my room is so horrible, sorry for that!!
I've also resorted to taking my outfit photos in the bathroom mirror at school... XD I don't have a full-length mirror in my house orz (Must invest in one!)




I got news today that a boy at school likes me... = . = I used to wish for it all the time, but because I don't have interest in anyone, now I think that being liked is troublesome! orz


My friend told him I'm a lesbian, though, and he decided he was better off giving up. XD I'm relieved about that...


I don't really like saying I'm a lesbian, though.
Everyone acts really shocked whenever it comes up, even though everyone knows. Apparently it makes some people uncomfortable and they aren't sure how to talk to me anymore... I also get told that it's unexpected because I look so "innocent". 


I really have no idea what that has to do with my sexuality... I've always liked girls, that's a fact.


However, I don't exactly dislike men.
I have a harder time falling for guys around me, and I feel like a relationship with a man would take more effort on my part. 
I don't feel comfortable with sex, either.


But I think I'm perfectly capable of falling in love with anyone despite their gender.


And if it ever came to it, I would try sex with a man I loved enough to do that for. Whether I can come to like it or not is something I don't know yet.


I've decided that I'm not going to bring up my sexuality anymore. If someone asks me directly, I'll just say that I love who I love.


I don't feel like I can label my preferences.


I can't understand why my classmates feel uncomfortable knowing that I'm attracted to women, but it's another reason I'd like to keep silent about it when possible. I don't like such over-reactions so there's no need to draw any attention to it.


I talked a lot in this blog! XD; I'll finish up here...


I hope you all have a good day ♥
Until next time, fare well!

Third Post!

The past two days have been pretty boring...
But I got a package I've been waiting a long time for!


It's late now, but it's a Christmas present for my friend.^^ I didn't take any pictures, it's already been wrapped.. I can finally give it to her tomorrow, though.


I hope she doesn't feel bad because I just got it without warning... orz I really appreciate her friendship so I wanted to make her happy. I'm so excited to give it to herrrr ; w ;


I'm still waiting on more packages for my other friend, plus I got a new idea even though XMas is over... Maybe for Valentine's?! LOL




In other news, I've finally decided to start dieting! Or, at least, eating healthier. If only losing weight were simpler... = . =


I went to my favorite restaurant tonight, and for the last time in a while(because I really don't know how many calories are in their food LOL).

I just love their beef and broccoli so much!

It was really good <3 So glad I convinced my parents to take me tonight. XD


Completely off-topic, but to end this post, have a picture of me.

The file name is "stop before you become a weeaboo".

JSL + Socks 8D

Today was my first day back to JSL(Japanese Second Language) after winter break.
It was way funner than I expected ; o ; I thought there would be a long speech and so on, but we had tea ceremonies and played games.




The sweets they served... I want them! 
It was red bean paste something, it was really sweet and yummy. ; u ;
The tea was really good, too. I actually didn't mess up making it like I was scared to. There weren't enough people when our group came, so I was paired with two others. I know them both from JSL tho, so it was fine.^^




I don't remember the name of the game... Might have been sugoroku? It was so fun! I was paired up with a girl I didn't know and she spoke fluent Japanese but I was able to understand everything, thank goodness. ; o ; 
There were squares on which you had to do a dance from AKB, and we did jan-ken-pon with the teacher for who would do it and she lost every time... LOL It was really cute to watch her do it, tho, and the assistant knew all the dances a little too well. XD (He kept saying he wasn't an otaku rofl)


I wish I had taken some pictures; I left my iPod in my bag the whole time! :c What a bummer, but I still had a ton of fun.



Going off-topic now, I got two things I was really wanting yesterday! 8D
Knee-socks with lace and ribbons + leopard print tights. I'm so happy <3

$12/Claire's

Don't remember/Ardene's

 I also got a huge bag of XMas gifts from MeiMei! But I'm not allowed to open them until I see her next... :c Hopefully, tomorrow!
She said I'm not allowed to look so I won't even peek, but the entire bag is FILLED! @_@ It's really ready to burst! I'm so excited to open them <3

I still have to give MeiMei her gift... I'm waiting on part of it to come in, even though I ordered it before XMas and it's shipping from within the country. = . = Such slow shipping, what's with that!


That's all for today, lovelies. <3
I hope you have a beautiful night/day and take care!^^

Introduction

Hello, I'm ZWEI and I'm poor at introductions. :P
I'm sixteen and from Canada. I love J-Rock and K-Pop.
This blog was mostly created for my interest in gyaru fashion.


Nice to meet you ☆